The Next Chapter: Dating After Divorce

Dating in the 21st century is nothing like it is in the movies. There's no knight in shining armor swooping in to rescue you, no perfect, fairy-tale romance. It’s complicated, it's messy and yet, it’s also transforming and healing. I have come to see relationships as a series of risks, experiences, and lessons. 

What has been most transformative, though, is learning to generate positive energy and focus on the things that bring me joy. I’m no longer attached to the outcome. Instead, I  have gained the ability to be present.  This shift has opened my heart in ways I never expected, and as I continue to show up differently in the world, I have noticed love showing up in new and unexpected ways.

Finding My Foundation

Before diving back into the world of dating, I had to establish a strong foundation of supportive friendships. It wasn’t until I truly felt rooted in myself, emotionally and spiritually, that I was ready to venture into the dating world again.

But even then, it wasn’t easy. The idea of creating an online profile filled me with dread. I was trying to figure out who I was now as a single woman. It was time to shed my old skin, to embrace the reality of where I was.

The path I began to walk in my dating journey was far from easy, but it was a journey of growth. Each connection, each date—whether joyful or painful—was teaching me something new. With every lesson, I began to grow stronger, more open, and more confident. I share with you how I learned to surrender, flow, and receive in dating, ultimately deepening my connection with myself.

Surrender: The Writer

Then, there was the writer. He was the first man I met after my divorce who sparked something real inside me—chemistry, connection, and a deep sense of curiosity.

When I walked into that bar and saw him, something shifted. His energy was magnetic, and I felt it immediately. He had this calm, confident ease about him—it must have been his Philly charm and directness. We quickly fell into this delightful, witty banter, jumping from one topic to the next.

What struck me most was his intelligence. It was intoxicating, the way he could flow effortlessly from one subject to another as if he were writing a script.  It felt refreshing to connect with someone who could talk about everything from the mundane to the profound.

More than that, though, he made me feel beautiful again. He awakened a part of me I thought I had lost—the feeling of being desired, and embracing my femininity. I surrendered to the moment, but more importantly, I surrendered to my true self. For the first time in a long while, I felt carefree, whimsical, and fully authentic.

Flow: The Surfer

A week before I met the surfer, I had a conversation with my friend Jules over dinner. We talked about my desire to meet someone different—someone who embodied an adventurous and artistic spirit. I told her, “I think I’m going to meet an exotic man who will bring something fresh and exciting into my life.”

That same week, he appeared on my dating app feed—a handsome man, exactly as I had imagined. He exuded a carefree vibe but also had the disciplined energy of a surfer. I felt nervous and unsure if he would be interested in me, but I swiped right anyway. To my surprise, it was a match.

Up until that point, I had always admired surfers from a distance. Living near Ocean Beach in San Francisco, I would watch them navigate the waves with such grace and discipline. The way they balanced the calm and chaos of the ocean fascinated me. And here was this man—a literal embodiment of everything I had admired.

There was something soothing about him. His calm energy and the way he moved through the world gave me a sense of peace. I had a feeling that this connection, however brief it might be, was meant to teach me something. The surfer reminded me of the beauty in allowing things to flow—no pressure, no expectations—just riding the waves of life and seeing where they take you.

Receive: The Mountain Biker

The day I met the mountain biker happened to be a leap day, a rare occurrence that felt like fate had intervened. I was exhausted from the endless cycle of dating and swiping, with each interaction leaving me more drained than the last. Yet, despite my frustration, I always tried to remain optimistic—you never know when you will find your match.

When I met him, there was an immediate sense of familiarity. We both had deep roots in San Francisco, similar upbringings, and our strong-willed Italian grandmothers felt like a thread connecting us. Being with him felt like coming home.

Through his actions and words, he showed me kindness and generosity that went beyond the surface. It was in his presence that I learned how to receive someone’s deep affection, something I hadn’t fully understood before. 

His playfulness opened my heart, allowing me to feel light and carefree. Our connection was infused with a sweetness and romance that felt so natural, reminding me that often, the most wonderful things unfold when we allow ourselves to be open and receptive.

Embrace the Journey

Dating after a divorce, or at any stage in life, is rarely a smooth, linear process. But it is also a profound opportunity to rediscover yourself and to learn how to love in ways you never thought possible. The men I have met along the way—each one unique, each one bringing something different to the table—have been part of this incredible journey of self-discovery.  It’s not about finding the one—it is about learning to love yourself first, and recognizing your worth.  Each connection, each date, and each story shared is a step closer to the love you are meant to receive—and give.  Perhaps you will meet someone who becomes part of your love story because it is in the midst of our transformation where the true love storm begins. As your relationship coach, I can guide you in setting intentions, defining your values, breaking negative patterns, and improving communication.